and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
