Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
