Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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