Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
