he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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