FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
