So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
