so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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