you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
