Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
