Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
