Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
