Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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