thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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