so explain again why im purple
no
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
