Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
