It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
and she was petting her beer can
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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