Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
