I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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