so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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