ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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