Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
