That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
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Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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