we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
