I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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