Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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