I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
