My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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