Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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