I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
