tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
