My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
