just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
