I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
