ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
