addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
false alarm, still single
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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