Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
