Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
