he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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