i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sext me about skeletons
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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