I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
and you fell through a lawn chair
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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