i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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