ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
