Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
