Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
