so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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