There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
