Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
