I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
