I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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