saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize