We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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