So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
