yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
