i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
