Can Purell be used as lube?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
